Unconventional Coaching

Energizing the relationships in your life

October 17, 2012
Long-term Relationships

Feeling Bored in Your Relationship? One Surprising Thing to Try

It’s so easy to feel discontented in a long-term relationship. We know all the bad stuff about our partner. The irritations can seems enormous. We  can feel misunderstood, criticized, underappreciated. This can happen to both men and women, though it may be expressed in different ways.

I see it in my coaching practice–people who genuinely love their spouses, but who are very tired of the stale relationship. What’s hardest is that all the twists and turns and arguments in their relationships seem insurmountable.

I once saw a TV movie called  Too Far To Go. I’ve forgotten most of the plot details (made in 1979, about a disintegrating marriage, IMDb tells me), but that title has stuck with me. We can believe that the relationship is stuck, not able to change–it’s too hard, too far.

What we’re not realizing that it is THAT BELIEF that is keeping us that way, not necessarily the actual situation.

Believing that it is too far to go just about ensures that it will in fact be that way.

Imagine that this feeling of being stuck could disappear for a meal or an evening. What if you actually pretended that this person sitting across from you was someone new, someone you didn’t know. What might you learn? What might you really see and hear that would surprise you? What would you notice?

I do this every once in awhile with my husband (I don’t necessarily tell him), and I coach others to do it, too. If you change your vantage point, even for an hour or two, things may look quite different. You might feel something different, too.

Now, it’s not untangling a difficult relationship–it may not rock your world. But this simple, temporary shift could be profound.

This could be the start of something better.

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